Ode To Ruth and Saltine Crackers!

I am happily ingesting my dinner for the night which cnonsists of saltine cracker and ketchup packets. And no...not CATSUP. I don't eat that shit. And I am remembering the moment I realized that I loved you.
It was Novemeber...maybe. Sometime ago, I can't seem to remember when exactly. Time doesn't hold any meaning for me anymore. Events do not play out in chronological order for me. You had left three months prior to spending another night in my bed and diappeared with out so much as a whisper. Then, one night at the Mercury Cafe, during a poetry slam, I see you take the stage standing right in front of me. Three months had passed and not a word, and all I could think was; "Of all the shit Cafe's in Denver, you had to walk into mine."
Thank You Bogart.
And I had a vision of me rushing up on stage....passionate and infuriated...and bitch slapping you infront of god and everybody. But I didn't. I gathered my things and walked out and you followed me into the cold, desperately trying once again to justify yourself to me. And this strange feeling swept over me, anger and loathing mixed with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you were mine, and knowing you weren't a ghost. You were indeed, alive and breathing, and thats all that mattered.
And time slipped in and out for nearly six years and then I grew up. Like Wendy Lady leaving neverland...and missing the boy who would never....
GROW THE FUCK UP.
Some things have the ability to change you, and some things or events have the ability to make you want to avoid change. But the great thing about change is that it can be so subtle and so constant, that you won't even realize that anything has changed until it slaps you in the face.
A poingant fact was made clear to me earlier. It is a boys club. Men are as much a mystery to women as we are to men. That I don't understand these obsessions is something I can choose to live with. I see things in a different light and can appreciate beauty without smut. Imagination breeds passion, and passion is something I cannot live without. Its not there for me to understand. I don't want to understand it.