AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! This idiot who lives upstairs....Jack Sprat and his spouse, The fat bitch who could eat no lean. I don't watch TV. I have a TV, I don't have cable, so when the TV comes on in my apartment...it's usually a movie. I don't mind if other people watch TV. I don't care if you want to indulge in mindless entertainment....DO NOT DO IT AT 2 AM AND WAKE ME THE FUCK UP. I hate Jack and his ugly girlfriend. He is a very unattractive man...she isn't much better. He is unattractive physically yes...but I could tell just by looking at him that he is a jack ass. He is short and round, hair spiked, chops strategically groomed...tattoos of ridiculous shit covering his arms. He is trying so hard. His girlfriend is just a bitch, and I hate her b/c she lives with him and they are both loud and obnoxious. And as they sit on the pompous, overgrown asses and watch TV...I am forced to sleep on the couch with my ipod blasting into my head to avoid the noise of the bullshit they are watching above me. I hate them. And hate is an exhausting emotion. I hate George Bush, I hate cauliflower, small dogs, my brother's grandma, peanuts, carpet, PORN, dresses, flat tires and bad music. I hate all of those things in moderation, but they do not compare to the deep seeded, loathsome feeling I have for the morons living above me. I have been conspiring to kill them all night...in very painful and time consuming ways. I hate them so much, I am grinding my teeth. I hate grinding my teeth. It is now almost 3AM, and I am on my computer bitching about my neighbors, who by now have been asleep for quite some time now. Here is the strongly worded letter I have decided to write them. It will be nailed to their door by morning.
Dear Jack Sprat and Jack's annoying counterpart:
I have never fully understood the phrase "Silence is golden". If silence was golden, then everyone would treasure it. I don't treasure silence. I do, however, treasure sleep, when I can find it. Sometimes I can go days without sleep of my own doing...but last night I couldn't sleep...
AND IT WAS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT. I don't care if you watch TV 24/7, I don't care if you wanna have sex like howler monkeys, play techno all night, have lobster races in your fucking living room. DO IT IN SILENCE. If you wanna sit around all day with your fat little thumb up your ass, so be it. But I should warn you now, that in the future, that should whatever activities you happen to partake in behind your own closed doors deprive me of well earned and much needed REM SLEEP, I will systematically remove everyone of your little sausage fingers with a rusty spoon.
Have a nice day.
Ironicaly enough, this is what was playing in my head when I wrote this.
I, hate the rain and sunny weather,
And i, hate the beach and mountains too;
(and) I dont like a thing about the city, no, no
And i, i, i, hate the countryside too!
And i, hate everything about you!... everything about you!
I, dont like a thing about your mother,
And i, hate your daddys guts too,
I, dont like a thing about your sister,cause i, i, i, think sex is overrated too.
And i, get sick when Im around, i, cant stand to be around,I, hate everything about you!Everything about you,Everything about you,Everything about you!
Some say I got a bad attitude,But that dont change the way I feel about you,
And if you think this thought might bring me down,
Look again cause I aint wearin no frown!
I dont really care about your sister
Forget the little bitch cause I already kissed her
One thing that I did to your lady
I put her on the bed and she didnt even say maybe
I know you know everybody knows...
The way it comes, the way its gonna go
You think its sad,And thats too bad,
cause Im havinA ball hatinEvery little thing about you!
Everything about you, everything about...I, get sick when Im aroundI, cant stand to be aroundI, hate everything about........... you! hehe
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3 comments:
nothing like musical inspiration...
did you kill the neighbors?
I would have.
I hate it when people are that self important... makes me want to ask them where they got their VIP passes so I can get one, too.
xxoo
I would have increased the aggression level if it were me in that particular scenario. I'd have been channeling Slayer's Seasons In The Abyss album or maybe Reign In Blood. But needless to say...
Ok, so not needless to say... It would have been brutal. But that's just my take. LOL.
I hope you are doing much better today kiddo. Take care.
I used to live in this itty-bitty studio apartment and the neighbor who lived above me used to teach hippos to dance. No seriously, the hippos names were Irma and Clyde. Irma wore this little pink tutu and Clyde wore pants with suspenders and tap shoes. They were darling, except for when they were dancing. What a racket they made! If I didn't know better I would have sworn they were moving the furniture about too.
Well, I vowed then that I would never live above or below someone again.
As an aside... I totally dig that Ugly Kid Joe song. Used to perform it at karaoke a lot. Last time I did it, though, I think was at the Cat's Meow in New Orleans. What a night that was. Drunk and trying to dodge potholes....
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